“Writes 30”. In journalism, 30 means “end”. It is often used when someone in the media industry dies, in reference to the traditional marking “-30-” that writers put on the last page of an article to signify that there won’t be another one behind.
I may not be writing 30, yet…who would know but the master writer of my story? I am but the blank page to be written on and I realize, today, I’m turning 30.
No Birthday Cake
The day is about to end and this might be the first time in my 30 years of breathing life that I do not have a birthday cake. No chocolate mousse, no cheesecake, nothing…oh but I ate a slice of leftover last night from the fellowship last Saturday. That won’t count because the clean-up crew just stashed the cake in my bag because everyone else was rushing to go home. Where’s the thought in that?
The thought of not having a cake saddens me. Some close friends have forgotten to greet me, too. And I can count in my fingers those who remembered. The usual BBQ and misua that mommy always prepares on birthdays (which is almost every month for our family of 7) are being enjoyed by the six other family members in the Philippines. While me, the birthday celebrant, some hundreds of miles away here in Taiwan, is alone and not eating anything.
I just sounded pathetic and pitiful there, but to be honest, I wouldn’t have wanted to celebrate my 30th year otherwise. I decided to fast today because at this season of being alone and lonely, someone whispered to my ear this morning and said, “Your flesh and your heart may fail but do you know who is the strength of your heart and your portion forever?
I may not have a birthday cake, but I know I have my portion.
No Birthday Wish
I don’t have a birthday wish, either. This year, I chose not to make a genie out of God and did away with it. Of course, I have a year-long list of prayer request, but that doesn’t count!
Reading Ephesians 1, I realized I have all that I need…I’m lavished with every spiritual blessing, every treasure is made available, a glorious inheritance is awaiting, and most of all, the fullness of Jesus will fill me in everything in every way. Today, when I felt so complete and satisfied, I felt the paradox of ineffable contentment yet deep longing for something that cannot be articulated within three birthday wishes, “Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you.”
謝謝袮30年陪伴著我走這條恩典之路，袮真是我的sweet consolation, constant companion, great comfortor, and eternal encourager.